Are you under the control of a narcissistic manipulator?
When you no longer feel free, lose your bearings, see your self-esteem collapse or feel drained after every exchange, stepping back from the relationship becomes essential. Several behaviours and signs of control can help you see what is happening objectively.
Video in French. The article below is available in English.
First consider what the relationship makes you experience
Identifying specific behaviours involving manipulation, control and belittling, together with their effects, helps you view the relationship objectively. An outside perspective can also help you regain your bearings.
Narcissistic manipulation: definition
Narcissistic manipulation concerns 2 to 3% of the population.
Narcissistic manipulators nourish their self-esteem at other people’s expense.
Manipulating, controlling, belittling and tyrannising a victim reinforces their confidence and self-esteem. In a romantic relationship, the narcissistic manipulator initially seduces, charms and flatters, then manipulates the victim, sometimes to the point of terrifying them. At work, narcissistic abuse often takes the form of psychological harassment. Narcissistic manipulators also operate in other settings, including friendships and families. In most cases, the
cycle of narcissistic abuse (7 stages) creates deep, lasting trauma.
Narcissistic manipulation: signs
Narcissistic manipulation can take several forms. Here are some signs:
Various forms of manipulation,
Demanding perfection from the other person,
Frequently changing opinions,
Criticism and contempt,
Tyrannising others while presenting themselves as the victim,
I sometimes feel like a little girl or boy rather than an adult,
I feel dependent on them,
I feel bad for hours after a phone call with them.
Gifted people as victims of narcissistic manipulators
Video in French. The article below is available in English.
The emotional functioning of people with High Potential very often includes strong empathy, which some ill-intentioned people may try to exploit. Narcissistic manipulators demand increasingly more from gifted people: more sacrifices, more submission to their wishes, and so on. Because of their empathy
and their perfectionism, gifted people may accept the relationship and do everything to be perfect for the narcissistic manipulator. Because of their
hypersensitivity, they are particularly vulnerable to mistreatment by narcissistic manipulators.
Dealing with a narcissistic manipulator
Video in French. The article below is available in English.
Leaving a relationship with a narcissistic manipulator can be very complicated. Some manipulators know exactly what to say and do to keep their victim dependent. Self-esteem can be so severely damaged that the victim feels fully responsible for what the narcissistic manipulator does to them. In these circumstances, psychotherapy may help restore confidence, leave the toxic relationship and begin living again. An psychological assessment helps you step back, obtain an objective picture of who you are and find the strength to end the toxic relationship.
Explore further
Continue with the question that matters most to you.
Screening test for victims of coercive control
A first step towards understanding what you are experiencing objectively.
What signs can suggest a controlling relationship?
Loss of freedom and bearings, exhaustion, falling self-esteem, distress and feeling dependent are among the signs described.
Why is leaving a controlling relationship sometimes difficult?
Manipulation, relationship dependence and damage to self-esteem can make taking distance particularly difficult.
Do you feel you have lost your bearings in this relationship?
Screening can help you step back from the patterns of control described here. When a relationship has severely damaged your self-esteem, psychological support can also help restore confidence and independence.
