High sensitivity and love: 20 characteristics

The love lives of highly sensitive people

Here are the 20 distinctive features of romantic relationships in people who are highly sensitive:

1) Awareness of a partner’s emotions: Heightened sensitivity provides access to a partner’s emotions (cognitive empathy). Highly sensitive people are therefore generally good at loving and supporting their loved one when needed. They care about their partner’s well-being and want the best for them.

2) Absorbing a partner’s emotions: Highly sensitive people feel their partner’s emotions as if they were their own (emotional empathy). This is particularly difficult over time if their partner is often in a bad mood, anxious or depressed.

3) Taking the relationship very seriously: Highly sensitive people take everything that happens in a romantic relationship very seriously. They may tend to ruminate and overthink what is going wrong (obsessive thoughts and behaviours).

4) The ability to see the other person: Highly sensitive people have highly developed observational skills, allowing them to see all the subtle facets of their partner’s beauty and goodness. They can become a major source of confidence for their partner, who feels able to use and develop their talents.

5) Often feeling inadequate: Highly sensitive people tend to be very conscientious. They set themselves very high standards and are perfectionistic in love. When they fail to meet these ideal standards, as often happens because nobody is perfect, they criticise and belittle themselves. The resulting distress can negatively affect the relationship.

6) The ability to put things in perspective: Highly sensitive people easily see both sides of the coin. This ability gives them strength and perseverance to face challenges when they inevitably arise.

7) Needing plenty of time alone: Even the most extroverted highly sensitive people need plenty of time to themselves to look after their own needs. Mindfulness meditation is often very useful for self-care. However, because they above all want to be good partners, they tend to devote themselves to the person they love and neglect themselves.

8) Heightened reactivity: Highly sensitive people tend to react very strongly emotionally and through their senses. In romantic relationships, they can sometimes give the impression of overreacting.

9) Assuming their partner is equally considerate: Highly sensitive people assume their partner is as attentive, considerate and aware of others and their emotions as they are. They therefore have high expectations and easily feel disappointed by their partner. They may even feel their partner does not love them enough.

10) Meeting a partner’s needs: Highly sensitive people tend to try to meet every need of the person they love. They neglect their own needs and eventually become exhausted, experiencing genuine relationship burnout.

11) A soothing presence: When they feel well, highly sensitive people can easily soothe their partner. They radiate calm, which nourishes their partner.

12) Seeing a partner’s flaws: Highly sensitive people are very observant and do not miss even small flaws in their partner. This can lead, sometimes unintentionally, to nitpicking, criticism and judgements.

13) A tendency to become overstimulated: If their partner is very active, listens to a lot of music, watches television loudly or often talks about upsetting events, a highly sensitive person can quickly feel overstimulated and overwhelmed, leading to resentment towards their partner.

14) A tendency to avoid confrontation: Highly sensitive people tend to avoid confrontation within a relationship for fear of becoming upset and overwhelmed by their emotions. This prevents complete honesty and can limit authentic intimate exchanges, putting the relationship at risk.

15) Being content with simple pleasures: Highly sensitive people avoid the exciting, stimulating events their partner enjoys (concerts, big parties, amusement parks…). The relationship can therefore become less exciting and stop growing.

16) Trying to resolve problems: Highly sensitive people try to resolve their own problems and those of the couple. Their self-awareness can help them grow and flourish within their relationship.

17) Not feeling understood: Highly sensitive people tend not to feel understood or heard in romantic relationships, something they share with gifted people. The depth of their thinking is not always compatible with a quick conversation, especially a superficial one.

18) Deep insight: Because they easily understand their partner, highly sensitive people can help their partner understand themselves and the relationship better.

19) Fear of vulnerability: Being vulnerable is worrying for almost everyone, but especially for highly sensitive people. Sometimes they struggle to express their needs and emotions without feeling overwhelmed by strong feelings.

20) A need for meaning: Highly sensitive people have a strong need for meaning. They are willing to work hard to have a deeply meaningful relationship. Their romantic relationships can be committed, rich and healthy despite the challenges they face.

The love lives of highly sensitive people have many similarities with the love lives of gifted people. If you recognised yourself in 10 to 20 of these characteristics, the High Emotional Potential screening test is recommended as a first step towards finding out whether you are highly sensitive or gifted.